Dear body and other things...

Dear body and other things, people, and events in my life: This letter is an attempt to apologize for the lack of preparation and forewarning in my pre-pregnancy life. Nothing was intentional- I just did not know!

To my body: I am sorry for the congestion that has lasted since last October, for the freckles and moles appearing from nowhere, and for the vomitting, dry-heaving, or at least gagging each time teeth have been brushed. I am sorry for the discoloration of skin in certain areas, which apparently is common with gestational diabetes- I did not know you would turn brown and look dirty and unclean. I am sorry for the weird line that divides my stomach in half vertically, for the swelling of my toes and ankles and fingers and now neck. I am sorry for the hacking cough which won't go away; I do not know if this is pregnancy related but I never had a cough last this long before. I am sorry for the lack of energy; I did not know that walking from my car to my office would leave me breathless sometimes. I apologize to my belly button, which has never seen true daylight in its entire existence until lately. I also apologize to my chest, which probably did not realize its drastic formations. I am sorry to the entire lower half of my body, which I've faith is still there even though I can't see it. I am sorry for not being able to eat delicious brownies or warm chocolate chip cookies.

To my things: I apologize to my shoes, of which most I cannot wear anymore. I apologize to my wardrobe, for stretching you out or neglecting you completely. I am sorry to my exercise equipment- not that I cannot exercise due to pregnancy but that I just don't want to sometimes and find pregnancy as an appropriate excuse not to. I am sorry for not being able to wear my wedding ring and looking as if I "just made a mistake."

To people: I apologize to Tim, mostly for being male and having to try to live pregnancy vicariously but not really getting it. I also apologize to Tim for being so whiny. I don't believe he ever thought he married someone who complains this much in the game; I believe he's bewildered by it all. But luckily an awesome partner to put up with me. I am sorry to the outside world, who on weekends only sees me in ponytails (which my hair isn't even long enough to hold), sweat shorts, and ten-year-old Teva's. I am definitely sorry to others who have been pregnant before me- I admit I judged and held perceptions that you were weak, of sorts, and taking advantage of a delicate situation. I know now that that is exactly what one does when pregnant and one should milk it up.

To my work: I am sorry for just not caring lately, especially since I am involved in an agency devoted entirely to caring about others. I am sorry about getting to work at ten and sometimes going home (after a long hard day) at two. I am sorry for being so forgetful about, well, everything- even when I write it down and highlight it.

To the baby herself: I am sorry for generating a terrible list of all the cons of pregnancy. I wonder, had I known all that was involved, if I still would feel shocked and in awe at times of the dynamics. I am blessed to have faith that when you make your appearance I will have forgotten all of this. In the meantime, this is what it boils down to:

What I will miss about being pregnant: 1) Feeling you move and squirm in the hours I am waking; 2) Not having as much of my hair fall out.

What I will not miss about being pregnant: 1) Everything else.