I started following this blog for twins, yourhandsfull.blogspot.com. It's kind of cool to hear what other people say, crazy times. Caisa is the blog owner; she had twin boys when her son was nineteen months old. I thought it was hard that Copper was just barely two, I can't imagine her five months younger than she was. I love following the blog and hearing about other people's experiences. It's Really validating to know that other people have found it just as difficult, crazy, and amazing. It's a little self-assuring to know that I'm not crazy, inadequate, or a terrible mom, that twins really flip life around, even for the better. And it's really helped me appreciate my twin girls more and to know it really is a unique and neat experience and blessing.
I was invited to post on this blog my experience and/or what it's like to be a working mom. I wonder if she regrets asking. I verbally vomited. Spewed all over the place. When I finished I thought, "Man, nice to get it out!!" Maybe worth sharing on here: (?) [Caisa did the bolding/font size, adds exactly to my tone!]
"The first month, maybe six weeks, were a little easy. Kota was the one who wanted to be held and touched and cradled all of the time. Micah was pretty content wherever she was. When they hit about two months they woke up from their newborn “coma” and the screaming started. Hours of crying, every day. Every morning, every night, hours and hours of colicky screams. They were better if I was holding them both and bouncing on an exercise ball- something about the up and down movements. I also had a two year old that needed to be held, fed, played with, and a home that needed keeping. No way could I spend all crazy day on the exercise ball bouncing.
When they were almost four months I went back to work full-time. I did not cry about it and wasn’t saddened. I needed a break! The crying was still happening;
I heard screaming in my mind even when the house was quiet. I couldn’t wait to be around adults and have an agenda for the day that didn’t include changing 25 diapers (my oldest wasn’t trained yet). For that first year (yes, that’s how long the constant crying lasted) work was my saving grace.
Positives about working:
· -- I get out of the house. I see friends at work and have adult conversations all day long.
· -- I have a flexible schedule. If my job required a structured “eight hours a day from x-time to x-time,” I don’t think I could do it. My job’s different- I have some long days, I have short days. I have lots of time at home to catch up on stuff- weekends or nights or early mornings. And I have lots of vacation time. This makes it all easier.
· -- I have an incredible baby-sitter. She loves my kids and is committed. Her home is their home, her family is their family. She sends me pics and texts during the day, loves them and laughs with them.
· -- I love my job. I like being a social worker- teaching others and learning from them. I like working with families. It’s humbling knowing and seeing that my problems are quite small in comparison to others’. It gives me perspective. And serving helps me love the world more.
Negatives about working:
· -- First, my twins are getting to be more fun. My three year old is the most fun three year old around. I want to watch all of them play and discover and grow into their personalities.
· -- Home vs. Kids vs. Work vs. Me. Home is a 24 hour job and so are the kids. Throw in 40 hours a week for my job and it’s more than a full schedule. I am always behind at home and at work. I can’t keep up. It’s stressful and tiresome. My kids are taken care of- they’re fed, clothed, played with, praised. But they also get a mom with a shorter temper than I used to have. No matter what I do, it isn’t enough. It’s hard on me- I want to be able to take care of all of the things I want to, and do it well.
· -- Work also makes it hard to find time for me. Fridays and Saturdays are full of catching up from the work week- the house, shopping, playing. I feel guilty for wanting to leave the kids and do my own thing. I already leave them four days a week all day long. And feel guilty for leaving so much at home undone. So, I either don’t have time for myself or it’s late, late at night. And by that time, the most appetizing thing feels like a soak in the tub or stretching on the couch!
Twins have kicked my butt! Too many times my husband came home from work and all four of us girls would be crying. The twins because that’s just what they did every single day. My other daughter because she probably could sense the stress and tension in our home. Me because I was tired and stressed and overwhelmed and my body still felt really out of whack. I was depressed. It lasted a long time. Some people get out and run, take a break, go out, whatever. I used to think, “Really? It’s a good day that we’re all still alive.”
I remember grocery shopping with the three girls one time. The twins were in the front part of the cart, facing each other with their feet in the middle. Crying and crying. I knew if I picked one up I’d have to hold the other too, leaving nobody but a 2.5 year old to push the cart. Get real. So I let them cry and soon enough I was crying too. A very sweet lady said, “It doesn’t seem like it now but one day you’re going to miss this.” I very truthfully said that I doubted it. Seriously. Would I miss these sweet girls crying and crying all the day long? Who would miss crying all the bloody time?
Crying was the hardest part for me the whole first year of their life. They were such tiny babies-how anything so loud could come out of their mouths, and for so long at a time, baffles me. These baby girls cried every day for hours for about a year. I’d hear, “Oh you have twins, how fun.” I’d smile and think, “You obviously don’t have twins.” At every interval (6, 9, 12 months) I’d think they’ve got to be growing out of it. But nope. The crying has finally stopped - I swore the day would never come.
It’s nice to have the validation from other twin moms that it hasn’t been easy for them either. I really don’t know what it’s like to have a lot of little kids who are not twins. But, I know that twins compound everything. For almost two years I’ve felt like putting a sign around my neck that says “Don’t pretend to know what it’s like.”
Twins aren’t easy. It’s hard when they hit milestones at the same time, it’s hard when they’re on different levels, it’s hard when both are really needy and demanding, it’s hard when one is; it’s hard having multiple babies. And it’s hard when it seems my older daughter (and by “older” I mean three) doesn’t get the acknowledgment that being the big sister is huge. She’s just as much in the spotlight.
I keep waiting for it to get “easy.” The more I think about it and the older they get, it’s just that the challenges change.
However, I’d take two (well, three) toddlers making tornado size messes in my home every second of every day than screaming for hours every day. I’d take fits and tantrums over the baby stage.
Despite the daily challenges and trials, twins are incredible and amazing. It’s a blessing to have two bebes at the same time. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with the thought that I was chosen to have two little ones at the same time. It probably shows something about my strength, or potential for strength. And it definitely shows something about what I’m here to learn!!"
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