Sleep

 Micah sleeps with me at night.  Still.  She's four.  And a half.  For awhile, it was that or she'd throw up everywhere.  Remember when Micah threw up every time she cried?  It was real. And disgusting.   Sleep is hard for her.  When bedtime comes, it's a few stories and songs and family prayer.  Then comes the soft, "I don't know what to do with my hands..." so we talk about putting them under our heads, cheeks, or pillows.  Or I hold them.  Then it's, "I don't know what to do with my head," which I think means her mind.  So I tell stories until she falls asleep.  Right next to her, so she can feel my breath.  Across the room (okay, a good 20 inches away), lies Dakota, who also cannot sleep.  Sometimes when they are very tired, it comes quickly.  Sometimes not.  And always, sometime between 10:30 and 1:30 in the morning, I hear Micah sobbing, awake and not being able to sleep. So I bring her in and when she conforms to my body and feels my chest, she sleeps soundly the rest of the night.  Dakota is Much better about staying in her bed.  Not to say she doesn't come in, because she does.  She doesn't stay in her bed and sob like her sister, she just gets up and walks in with her pillow.  It is highly uncomfortable to share half a queen size bed with two full-length four-year-olds.  Even small ones.  I don't know that a king-sized bed would be different- they want to be near me, feeling my cheek, stroking my hair, listening to my chest, feeling my breath.  It's endearing to write about and sometimes endearing in the moment even, long enough to remember these beings came from me, from heaven.  About fifteen seconds later, that feeling is gone.

So... the other day I sat them down and said: "You guys.  You're together, always.  You're been together since you were in my stomach, since heaven, since always.  You slept together in my stomach for so long, before anyone ever even met you.  Isn't it wonderful to sleep next to someone?"  And they both replied, "Yes!" and agreed they don't like to sleep alone.  In my wonderful idea, I continued, "Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing to sleep next to each other again, like you used to before you were born?  Because you're twins, and should stick together, right?  We could make your beds one big bed even, you could have a sleepover every night!"  They both looked at each other, giggled, and said, "Nah!"  And Micah reminded me of how much we need to be together, her and I.

Below: I went to a friend's one evening and the two refused to go to bed without me.  They ended up falling asleep watching a movie.  Next to each other, sleeping soundly.  Why can't they during the night???!!!!