I've kind of dreaded church lately- like especially Relief Society. I've just had a bad attitude. I get in there and feel restless and unmotivated and too imperfect and too alone. It's not a faith crisis and I love God and I love Jesus and I love the gospel. Church is hard for me lately though. I did NOT want to go last week but made myself anyway. If it weren't for the kids, I'd probably stayed home.
So I'm sitting in the back next to a lady I rarely talk to and I'm listening to this gal give the lesson. She asked an important question:
Why do we do this? Why do we come to church? Why do we serve? Why do we take the sacrament? Why do we keep the commandments? Why do we pray, or read the scriptures? Why do we do anything the gospel requires?
People gave answers like being obedient to God, becoming our higher selves, to be accepted into heaven, because of what others might think if we don't, to be social with those around us... etc. etc. They were pretty honest answers and I'm so glad it was a safe place to share! She shared a good story about Emily Freeman (she's kind of a well-known Latter-Day Saint) and why she is a member of the gospel: it's not to get to heaven, it's not to earn our way back to God, it's not to get blessings (everyone in the whole wide world is blessed- because God loves all of us!)... it's to receive personal revelation from God. He really does reveal the mysteries of the universe to us.
Her thought kind of hit me hard. I started crying and then I couldn't stop. The lady next to me handed me a tissue after she saw me wiping snot and tears on the sleeve of my cardigan, hahaha. I just couldn't stop. It really touched me.
I have felt personal revelation from Heavenly Father- I've felt it many times in my life. This increased revelation confirms that God knows ME, he loves ME, he knows what's important in my life, how I should spent my time, how I should lead my family, what I should be doing in my life. I go to church, I serve, I pay tithing, I practice gratitude, I partake of the sacrament, I do all of these things to have the Spirit, to have the Holy Ghost in my life. It's so I know what to do in my life.
The story of the 10 Virgins is often portrayed as a parable about preparedness. Of the ten, five were prepared with enough oil for their lamps to carry on, and five ran out and had to leave when their lamps ran short. More so though, the story is about running out of oil, of fuel. ALL ten virgins ran out of oil, all ran short of fuel. But half of them had replacement oil- they knew they would run low at some point and they knew that it would need to be filled. The other five had nothing to replace their oil with. I love this perspective.
I realized then that my bad attitude lately- not wanting to go to church, not wanting to socialize with the ladies around me, not wanting to do my calling- was really about me having not a lot left to give. I needed to refuel, refocus. This replacement is part of my "why" I do the things of the gospel. I want direction in my life, I want to know how to get out of slump, how to love myself, how to give more, how to have deep spiritual connections and experiences. My Heavenly Father is waiting to fill my lamp when I'm ready to have it filled. He will tell me what I need to know, what I need to do. I know that I need to ask.
This has come in perfect timing with General Conference being next week. I've had many General Conferences where I've not gotten out of my pajamas and taken several naps, knowing I can always read/listen to the talks later on. I've also had many where I've received a lot of answers to the prayers in my heart. I believe that listening to my living Prophet and his apostles is one way to receive answers to my life. With an increased spirit and personal revelation, I know I can better live my life, be a better support and influence to those around me, and be better lead by my loving Heavenly Father.
So I'm sitting in the back next to a lady I rarely talk to and I'm listening to this gal give the lesson. She asked an important question:
Why do we do this? Why do we come to church? Why do we serve? Why do we take the sacrament? Why do we keep the commandments? Why do we pray, or read the scriptures? Why do we do anything the gospel requires?
People gave answers like being obedient to God, becoming our higher selves, to be accepted into heaven, because of what others might think if we don't, to be social with those around us... etc. etc. They were pretty honest answers and I'm so glad it was a safe place to share! She shared a good story about Emily Freeman (she's kind of a well-known Latter-Day Saint) and why she is a member of the gospel: it's not to get to heaven, it's not to earn our way back to God, it's not to get blessings (everyone in the whole wide world is blessed- because God loves all of us!)... it's to receive personal revelation from God. He really does reveal the mysteries of the universe to us.
Her thought kind of hit me hard. I started crying and then I couldn't stop. The lady next to me handed me a tissue after she saw me wiping snot and tears on the sleeve of my cardigan, hahaha. I just couldn't stop. It really touched me.
I have felt personal revelation from Heavenly Father- I've felt it many times in my life. This increased revelation confirms that God knows ME, he loves ME, he knows what's important in my life, how I should spent my time, how I should lead my family, what I should be doing in my life. I go to church, I serve, I pay tithing, I practice gratitude, I partake of the sacrament, I do all of these things to have the Spirit, to have the Holy Ghost in my life. It's so I know what to do in my life.
The story of the 10 Virgins is often portrayed as a parable about preparedness. Of the ten, five were prepared with enough oil for their lamps to carry on, and five ran out and had to leave when their lamps ran short. More so though, the story is about running out of oil, of fuel. ALL ten virgins ran out of oil, all ran short of fuel. But half of them had replacement oil- they knew they would run low at some point and they knew that it would need to be filled. The other five had nothing to replace their oil with. I love this perspective.
I realized then that my bad attitude lately- not wanting to go to church, not wanting to socialize with the ladies around me, not wanting to do my calling- was really about me having not a lot left to give. I needed to refuel, refocus. This replacement is part of my "why" I do the things of the gospel. I want direction in my life, I want to know how to get out of slump, how to love myself, how to give more, how to have deep spiritual connections and experiences. My Heavenly Father is waiting to fill my lamp when I'm ready to have it filled. He will tell me what I need to know, what I need to do. I know that I need to ask.
This has come in perfect timing with General Conference being next week. I've had many General Conferences where I've not gotten out of my pajamas and taken several naps, knowing I can always read/listen to the talks later on. I've also had many where I've received a lot of answers to the prayers in my heart. I believe that listening to my living Prophet and his apostles is one way to receive answers to my life. With an increased spirit and personal revelation, I know I can better live my life, be a better support and influence to those around me, and be better lead by my loving Heavenly Father.
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