My Grandma Died

My grandma Janice Detomasi Sager Olson (Bottema) was born in 1937 and died on September 13, 2019.  I am not surprised she died on Friday the 13th, though I was surprised to hear it was fast and peaceful.  Knowing my grandma, I'd for sure have guessed it would have been full of dramatics.

My grandma was a FUN grandma when I was a kid.  Full of drama, loud, loved to be the center of attention, loved to write and perform skits with us, loved art, loved to camp, loved games, and loved loved loved pranks.  My mom was with her, the only one with her, when she died, and it was literally in mid-sentence.    In the hospital, she was flirting with male nurses and howling like a dog when someone remarked that the bruise on her eye made her look like a dalmation.  Nurses tried to talk to my mom and aunt about dementia; but no, it wasn't dementia- it was just grandma.  Life of the party even when she was in the hospital. My grandma had no idea she was dying, she just died.

  It brought floods of emotion in my mom, combined with layers and years of dynamics that are just hard to understand.  Sometimes my grandma was hard to love, so I get it.  I sure love my mom and the example she has been- she loves and serves just to love and serve, despite what hardships come with it.  She's never been one to turn a cheek.  

Grief is a funny thing.  I didn't cry at the viewing and didn't really cry at the funeral.  I haven't really cried about it at all, except when I cried for my mom.  I feel sad and regrets I didn't spend more time with my grandma in my adulthood; I feel humbled to have listened to my cousins and their kids talk about the wonderful lady my grandma was.  I feel selfish in the way I've spent my time and the things I've given attention to instead of the people in my life.  I feel determined to do better with the people I still have in my life.  I guess that is all a part of grief.

But I also have a lot of hope in death.  I KNOW my grandma has a clear mind now; I know the demons (for lack of better word) she lived with are gone.  I know she knows my mom perfectly now and feels nothing toward my mom except love.  I know I'll see my grandma again.  I KNOW this!  I know it better than I know the sun will rise tomorrow.

This is my mom and grandma when my mom's brother died earlier this year.

This is the epitome of my grandma's personality.  

This is my mom's family a LONG time ago.  My mom is the very left; above her is my aunt Penny, my uncle Shannon, my uncle Kevin, and my uncle Jeff.  On the bottom row is my aunt Jennifer, my grandma Janice Sager, my grandma David Sager, and my uncle Dennis.  These siblings are all so incredibly different it's very hard to believe their related...

My grandma remarried after my mom's dad died.  Oreon had eight children and my grandma really did delight in the fact she had 15 children and over 100 who called her grandma, not including great-grandma.

This was at the graveside; all the grandkids with my mom and dad (above) and all my grandma's living children (below).

My three brothers and some cousins were pall bearers.  Taryn was in charge of carrying the big display of greenery and pine cones.  My grandma lived for pine cones.  I'm not joking.  She collected hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them.

My mom and dad's family (all of us, because about the only time we're all together is when someone dies).

At the viewing...

Also at the viewing.  Micah picked out her own clothes, obviously.  And she has no problem touching dead people, we found out.  I'm glad she knows too that death is temporary and that it doesn't scare her to see someone that's passed.  

Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.

This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow.  -President Thomas S. Monson