Micah lost a library book from the city. We spent a few weeks looking for it. It's one of those things that's important to us, but doesn't really fall on the priority list of things to do in any given day. Still, I helped her look, to no avail. Within a day or so of us being charged money, I asked them to renew it one more time to give us just a second to look. What I wanted to do was have Micah work to pay off $15, which sounded quite daunting to her and not fun for me either.
Then last night I had the most vivid dream. I literally dreamed that God came and told me to take a day off work to really clean my home and get it in order. This makes sense in my life because my house is much worse off than I want it to be, and having a clean home is important to me. It just falls to the bottom because each day is remarkably busy from sun up to sun down. Anyway, in my dream I dreamed that God told me the lost library book was under the couch in my bedroom. I remember saying a prayer to Heavenly Father in my dream- Thank you for telling me to take work off, thank you for telling me where the book is, thank you for caring about the little things in our lives.
Then I woke up and remembered all of it so very clearly that I flew out of bed and kicked Micah off the couch in my room. I pulled it away from the wall and looked underneath. I found unmated socks, and hair ties, and the lost library book. I seriously woke Tim up to tell him God cares about the little things in our lives like lost books. I wish I could explain the significance of this story and dream. It's hard to write it in a way that really expresses how real and how plain God spoke to me about something while I was dreaming, and then to turn around and remember it all.
So, I wrote about it in a little journal I have. I decided to keep track of all the ways that God shows up in my life. I wrote the little story down and moved on with my morning, heading into the closet to get dressed for church. In just as real statement as my dream, I heard the spirit tell me it wasn't about the library book at all. Literally I heard, "You know this isn't about the book, right?"
I started crying, not because of that but because not an hour earlier, I had been talking to Tim about how confused I was about making a decision about work.
In short, there are soooo many changes going on at work. The state is merging two of its biggest departments, including the one I'm in. My little program has been shuffled and moved into administration that doesn't know what we're doing, doesn't understand, and there are lots and lots of questions about our certainty. "Coincidentally" there is also a push for us to voluntarily change our classification to at-will employees, meaning anyone who supervises others can be terminated at any time, for any reason. They are dangling a 5% raise for those who do it voluntarily, and saying it'll likely be enforced anyway in a year, so do it now while you can get a raise. That's the short summary- there are a lot of other pieces. So... I've been confused about what to do and confused about the certainty of my job in the next couple of years. My stress has increased significantly and I haven't been able to focus on the more important things going on. I feel like I run from one thing to the next without being present in any of them. That might not be related to the job thing as much as just how life is right now?
Still, but in my closet I heard, "You know this isn't about the book, right? The experience wasn't about the book- it was about faith and trust in God. That whatever decision you make, you'll be taken care of. So just decide, and show faith and trust."
It hit me like a train. I'm so grateful for:
A gift in writing- it's clear when I journal that God is always here
Little everyday experiences that remind me Heavenly Father isn't far. And He speaks to every single one of us, so we each must matter.
His grace in my life. I've come out of every hard time in my life a little bit wiser, stronger, and with elevated faith. Maybe not during it, haha, but the end result is growth. So I know the track record for being taken care of is 100%. I can move forward either way and know that God is. 🥰
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